Notes from the Podcast

The center is a robust power, relentlessly pursuing what it needs, usually with out our aware realization. This pursuit can lead us to interact in a misleading follow known as F.I.B.ing—Filling In Blanks. This intelligent acronym reveals a troubling conduct sample the place, with out concrete details about somebody, we optimistically fill within the gaps with wishful considering relatively than actuality. This conduct undermines our success to find real connections and considerably will increase the chance of heartache.

The Three Principal Methods We F.I.B. Ourselves

1.The Early Phases of Relationship: The Phantasm of Information

Once we first meet somebody, particularly by means of the lens of on-line courting, our data is minimal at finest. Regardless of this, we frequently discover ourselves determined to know extra, to know what the long run holds for this budding relationship. This starvation for perception leads us to fill within the unknowns with overly optimistic and infrequently unrealistic particulars, creating a picture of false perfection. This picture is seductive as a result of it embodies the magical potential we hope for in a relationship. Nonetheless, this early idealization can swing the opposite manner, resulting in pointless doubt and fear if we’re liable to overthinking or have avoidant tendencies. We would begin imagining issues that don’t exist, filling peaceable moments with useless concern—a conduct I name ‘problemicity.’

2. False/Clean Comparisons: The Imaginary Excellent

One other widespread F.I.B. situation entails evaluating the particular person we’re courting to an imaginary, very best accomplice. This fictional “different” is endowed with all of the qualities we need, making our real-life accomplice appear missing by comparability. This comparability is inherently unfair and unrealistic, but it’s a entice many people fall into, distorting our notion of the present relationship.

3. Baited F.I.B.s: The Vagueness Lure

Generally, the particular person we’re courting contributes to our F.I.B.ing by being deliberately obscure or withholding data. This lack of specificity permits us to fill within the blanks in ways in which serve our hopes and needs, not essentially the fact of the state of affairs. When questions in regards to the future or dedication are met with evasive solutions, we might hear these non-answers in probably the most optimistic gentle. Nonetheless, this hopeful interpretation usually leads us farther from the reality.

In Conclusion
The extra we bask in these F.I.B.s, the extra invested we turn out to be within the illusions we’ve created. Admitting we have been incorrect turns into more and more tough as we cling to those alluring fictions, making it onerous to simply accept actuality as it’s. Within the quest for love and connection, let’s decide to seeing with our eyes, not simply our hearts.