“The narcissist is sort of a bucket with a gap within the backside: Regardless of how a lot you set in, you possibly can by no means fill it up,” mentioned widespread American psychologist and professor Dr. Ramani Durvasula. After all, self-love needs to be an integral facet of our lives. However when the cup of self-love overflows and narcissism begins hampering a person’s relationships, it’s a harmful place to be in. And what occurs when a narcissist attracts an empath? Properly, this text will delve deeper into the 21 Levels of a narcissistic relationship with an empath.

You may need guessed by now that such a relationship is certain to be one-sided. However what are the subtleties of such relationships and what are you able to count on in a poisonous relationship equivalent to this one in the long term? What are some indicators a narcissist is utilizing you? What occurs when a narcissist meets his match? How lengthy can a companion tolerate emotional abuse by a narcissist?

Allow us to show you how to discover the advanced relationship dynamics between a narcissist and an empath with the assistance of our professional relationship counselor Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology). We’re positive by the point you end studying this text, you’ll’ve gained some useful insights on such connections and have a transparent concept about
when to step again. So, let’s get began.

What Occurs When An Empath And A Narcissist Get Into A Relationship?

Earlier than we get into the main points of the levels of a narcissistic relationship with an empath, let’s have a look at the 2 phrases ‘narcissist’ and ‘empath’ and learn how every differs from the opposite. Drawing from the Greek mythological character Narcissus, a hunter who fell in love along with his personal reflection in a pool as the results of a punishment, narcissism is a character dysfunction that includes extreme self-importance, to the extent of being abnormally involved about oneself.

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Empaths, alternatively, are individuals who, by psychological phrases, show hyperempathy, or extreme empathy for folks round them. These extremely delicate folks can care about others to the extent of ignoring their very own wants and needs.

What’s the distinction between a narcissist and an empath?

Apparently, a narcissist’s psychological dynamics are so sophisticated that one can’t merely say they don’t possess empathy. In truth, a research as soon as recommended that narcissists don’t merely lack empathy. Narcissists reside with dysfunctional empathy that depends upon numerous motivational and situational elements.

However it goes with out saying that an empath and a narcissist are poles aside by way of their wants and habits. Ruchi explains, “An empath is a extremely delicate one who is aware of easy methods to empathize and detect the sentiments of different folks.” Empaths possess qualities equivalent to:

• Lively listening abilities
• Choosing up on non-verbal cues
• Studying ideas, emotions, and feelings
• Making folks really feel pleased and comfy round them, typically at the price of their very own well-being
• Looking for optimistic issues among the many chaos

Ruchi provides, “A narcissist, nevertheless, is somebody who’s in search of somebody with such abilities.” Some narcissistic tendencies and traits are:

• Want for extreme love and affection
• Thirst for absolute management and energy over different folks
• Grandiosity, or an inflated sense of self
• Consideration-seeking habits
• Manipulative nature
• Incapability to indicate empathy

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“As everyone knows, opposites appeal to. So, since empaths don’t have wholesome boundaries, folks with narcissistic character dysfunction like to penetrate these weak boundaries. The empath–narcissist pairing looks like a super couple, however such relationships are additionally filled with manipulation and selfishness and shortly turn out to be very poisonous,” Ruchi says.

What are the options of a narcissist empath friendship or relationship?

Now that we all know that empaths and narcissists are liable to be attracted to one another, let’s have a look at what occurs once they get right into a relationship. Properly, it’s common data {that a} narcissist’s overpowering charisma and faux confidence attracts an empath like a magnet. However how do such relationships perform over time? We’ll have a look at a couple of options of a relationship or friendship between a narcissist and an empath. Right here they’re:

● Narcissists management empaths: Empaths admire the allure and decisiveness of narcissists. In truth, a narcissist attracts an empath with a pretend present of confidence.

● Narcissists put up a present of being perfect: In making an attempt to showcase themselves as perfect wives, husbands, or companions, narcissists additionally typically mirror the empath’s qualities. An empath will thus really feel they’ve discovered a super companion in a narcissist.

● It turns right into a God–devotee relationship: Ruchi says, “A narcissist’s ego is like that of a film star. Narcissists virtually look like God-like figures to empaths, whereas empaths turn out to be their followers or devotees. Whereas narcissists are always in search of validation, their followers (the empaths) are at all times encouraging and worshiping them like Gods. Empaths typically bathe them with items, compliments, and encouragement.”

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● Narcissists complain and empaths handle them: The narcissistic relationship sample includes complaining, whereas empaths are at all times there to reply with love and compassion. Ruchi provides, “Narcissists are at all times in disharmony with the world and assume everyone seems to be towards them and that no person likes them. Empaths provide a secure area to assist them be ok with themselves and, in flip, turn out to be their punching luggage.”

● Narcissists manipulate empaths: Narcissists are manipulative and infrequently don’t take any blame when one thing dangerous occurs. Ruchi provides, “When issues go south, narcissists exploit empaths, however empaths don’t understand that they’re being manipulated.”

● Narcissists gaslight empaths: Narcissists by some means persuade the empaths that they should repair themselves. Ruchi explains, “When a narcissist blames or gaslights an empath, the empath tries to vary themselves, with out questioning them again. They fall prey to the narcissist’s gaslighting.”

● Narcissists turn out to be the empath’s protector after which their abuser: One of many options of the narcissistic relationship sample is that narcissists make empaths really feel that they’re defending them. Ruchi provides, “Empaths benefit from the safety at first. However this sense wears off fairly shortly when an empath realizes the narcissist is making an attempt to control them. Narcissists destroy empaths if this continues for too lengthy.”

21 Levels Of A Narcissistic Relationship With An Empath

The complexity of the narcissist–empath friendship or relationship dynamic is such that psychologists have categorized it in phases. Although levels of a narcissistic relationship aren’t at all times linear, it’s believed all narcissist–empath connections kind of undergo the identical progressive order. So, let’s delve deeper into this fascinating bond and discover out extra concerning the narcissistic relationship cycle:

Idealization

Within the idealization stage, the narcissist portrays themselves as a super human being, filled with allure, charisma, and mental depth. They appear to be flawless and infrequently attempt to match the traits of an empath or mirror their wants and ideas. That is the start of the extreme attraction between a narcissist and an empath, by which the empath begins idealizing their companion. Let’s see what this section entails:

1. Love bombing

Within the first stage, the narcissist tries to control the empath with an intense expression of affection, also referred to as love bombing. Ruchi provides, “The narcissist will impress you by providing you with extreme love and bathe you with items, compliments, PDA, and declaration of affection on social media. They present you that they worth you excessively, making you get into an emotional bond shortly.”

However how would you distinguish between love bombing and real care? A Reddit consumer says, “Normally love bombing seems very quick” after which provides, “Real care is generally about respecting your emotions, and being comfy to debate issues with out strolling on eggshells.”

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2. Idealized picture

The second stage has narcissists portraying themselves as flawless, confident, profitable folks. They make you are feeling like you could have shared values, pursuits, and hobbies. They mirror your pursuits. Ruchi explains, “So, should you like politics, they may begin speaking about politics. In case you’re a scholar of French, they may begin talking in French. Narcissists create a pretend shared identification and a false picture of compatibility.”

3. Speedy escalation of relationship

Usually, relationships progress with companions falling in love and discovering one another over time. However in narcissist–empath relationships, the narcissist pulls the empath right into a severe relationship proper from the start. So, a narcissist could:

Ruchi provides, “By displaying this stunning aspect of themselves, narcissists lure empaths in bonds of emotional intimacy.”

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Devaluation

As the connection progresses, the devaluation section begins, with the narcissist placing a sudden finish to the love and adoration that that they had been showering their empath companion with. Empaths instantly discover themselves being criticized and focused with damaging feedback by the narcissist. They’re undermined by the narcissist and don’t really feel as valued as they have been within the preliminary days of the connection.

4. Criticism and negativity

The fourth stage begins with hyper-negativity. Ruchi provides, “After a lot appreciation at first, this stage comes as a blow- to an empath. Abruptly, narcissists begin discovering faults, or speak about trivial flaws that didn’t matter previously.” In such circumstances, narcissists can criticize an empath’s:

• Views
• Jobs
• Bodily look
• Accomplishments

Narcissists simply dismiss something optimistic about empaths and that leads to low vanity of their companions.

5. Emotional manipulation and abuse

On this stage, narcissists go all out with their claws. They begin doing issues that will make an empath really feel dangerous about themselves. Ruchi explains, “On this stage, an empath could begin questioning in the event that they’re the poisonous individual. What follows is numerous blame shifting and rejection. Narcissists set empaths up for failure.”

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6. Withholding of affection and a spotlight

Within the sixth stage, the eye that was considerable within the first section turns into sparse. Ruchi provides, “Narcissists could withhold affection and emotional connection consciously on this stage. They turn out to be surprisingly chilly.” In truth, this
is among the indicators a narcissist is utilizing you or your vulnerability to their benefit.

7. Threats of abandonment

Subsequent, comes the narcissist’s favourite weapon: the concern of abandonment, which can already be current in an empath on account of their hypersensitivity. A narcissist likes to prey on a delicate empath’s concern of being left alone, and this ultimately results in emotional blackmail. In truth, by now, they could have already begun the preliminary gaslighting and their empath companion might be searching for the narcissist’s approval and a spotlight.

Ruchi explains, “Abruptly, the empath is nugatory and undeserving. On this stage, narcissists could attempt to assert their energy and management. They begin threatening you thru their phrases and actions. It’s like should you don’t step up or do issues in line with them, they may go away you. Love is a drug for the empath now and it’s tough for them to grasp it’s a risk. However the concern of abandonment creeps in and causes anxiousness. When a narcissist abuses an empath companion emotionally, the companion can develop a low vanity too.”

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Gaslighting

This section is all about manipulative ways that narcissists make use of to destroy their companion’s notion of actuality. They inform their empath companions that their actuality is just not true, and the empaths begin doubting their very own sanity. Let’s have a look at the varied levels of this section:

8. Denial of actuality

Gaslighting begins with the narcissist denying the empath’s actuality or experiences. In such circumstances, they may:

• Dismiss the empath’s emotions, saying issues equivalent to “You’re simply overreacting.”
• Deny occasions that occurred, by saying issues equivalent to “Are you positive that occurred? Are you imagining issues?”
• Attempt to persuade the empath that they keep in mind issues incorrectly
• Change the narrative in line with their whims This creates numerous confusion within the empath’s thoughts.

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9. Blame shifting and lack of duty

On this stage, narcissists begin accusing their empath companions of manipulating or exaggerating. Ruchi says, “Narcissists begin turning the tables and resort to blame shifting. So, in the event that they’re mendacity or dishonest, they blame the empath for his or her poisonous actions. If they need to be accountable, they make the empath really feel they’re not doing sufficient. This can be a refined type of manipulation.”

In such conditions, it’s possible you’ll discover the narcissist saying issues equivalent to:

• “How does it matter if I’ve been texting my assistant? How can I make sure you’re lower than one thing together with your boss?”
• “Sure, I do know I ought to’ve paid the hire on time final month. However you didn’t remind me in any respect.”

10. Minimizing and trivializing your issues

Narcissists now go from validating your issues and must saying you’re at all times complaining. Ruchi provides, “Your comfort isn’t essential to them anymore. They begin downplaying your emotional ache. This can be a very large blow to
an empath’s vanity.” Right here’s one instance:

Rita, a buddy of mine, had a narcissistic husband, Chris. Whereas they initially appeared like a loving couple, issues modified later. At one level, the whole lot of their lives relied on Chris’s whims. When Rita as soon as complained that she had been going through harassment at her new office, Chris mentioned she was in all probability exaggerating. Rita would additionally typically be too drained after the lengthy commute and would order in meals as a substitute of cooking. Chris had an issue with that too and blamed her for being lazy, saying all wives ought to know easy methods to deal with their husbands. This can be a traditional case of the narcissistic habits of minimizing a companion’s issues.

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11. Confusion and contradiction

Narcissists love creating the hot-and-cold state of affairs the place dichotomous concepts pop up typically. This includes:

• Making contradictory statements
• Altering sides typically
• Showering love on you at some point and distancing themselves the subsequent

Ruchi explains, “This contradictory nature makes it difficult for the empath companion to belief narcissists. Self-doubt creeps in and so they begin questioning their actuality. An empath on this state of affairs will undergo an emotional rollercoaster.”

12. Isolation and dependency

On this stage, the narcissist’s manipulative sport reaches a crescendo. They begin isolating empaths from their different help techniques. So, the empath is so busy coping with the confusion of their relationship, they don’t have the time to work together with or search help from their household and buddies.

Ruchi provides, “Now the empath stops confiding of their family and friends members. They typically do that to keep away from angering the narcissist companion. So, there’s an enormous emotional dependency on the narcissist for emotional validation. Most victims of such manipulation really feel trapped and cease trusting their very own intestine feeling or notion of actuality.”

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Silent Remedy

On this section, the narcissist makes use of silence to punish the empath for not ‘obeying’ them or for not pleasing them sufficient. That is one other emotionally manipulative tactic of the narcissist and has an immensely detrimental impact. It’s also typically anxiety- inducing for the empath companion. Let’s have a look at the levels of this section:

13. Communication shutdown

This is among the most painful levels of a narcissistic relationship, as all or most communication between the narcissist and empath stops. This can be a traditional case of narcissistic emotional stonewalling. Ruchi provides, “The narcissistic companion, who was very vocal earlier, instantly stops speaking. They make you are feeling they’re about to depart you. Quickly, the silence looks like a breakup. There may be full withdrawal of attachment and numerous confusion. All of this makes the empath determined for consideration.”

14. Emotional management

The narcissist, on this stage, is ready of energy over the empath emotionally. On this stage:

• The empath is left feeling completely challenged and will really feel the narcissist is pulling their strings
• The empath, when blocked or unfriended on social media and different channels of communication, begins looking for the narcissist companion or asking folks for his or her whereabouts.
• The empath has no method of understanding what’s occurring till and except the narcissist begins speaking once more

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Hoovering

Narcissistic hoovering is a section which finds the narcissist making an attempt to re-establish the connection or pretending to take action. Ruchi provides, “The narcissist, who was absconding for some time and had blocked all channels of communication, now instantly comes again and tries to reignite the connection.” Listed below are some levels of this section:

15. Love bombing II

That is the return of the love bombing stage and is characterised by:

• Sudden extreme consideration
• Compliments
• Fixed contact

Ruchi explains, “That is when the narcissist creates an idealized relationship once more, making the empath hopeful concerning the relationship as soon as extra.”

16. Pretend apologies and guarantees

That is when the narcissist makes guarantees to vary themselves and the state of affairs. Ruchi says, “The empath may really feel the narcissist is admitting to their flaws and has lastly realized their errors. And the empath begins trusting the
narcissist once more, as a result of the apologies and guarantees really feel actual and heartfelt.”

So, on this stage, you may see a narcissist say issues like:

• “I promise, I’ll make it as much as you subsequent time.”
• “I do know I may be unreasonable at occasions. Belief me, I’m engaged on it.”
• “I’m so sorry I made you are feeling that method. This received’t occur once more, I promise.”

17. Manipulative guilt entity

On this stage, the narcissist tries to painting themselves because the sufferer. They make you are feeling you’re not making an attempt to speak and that you simply’re poisonous. Ruchi provides, “Narcissists downplay their emotional and psychological abuse and make the empath really feel just like the abuser. In addition they begin telling the empath sob tales of their earlier relationships to evoke empathy.”

18. Flying monkeys

When all their methods fail, narcissistic abuse strikes to the subsequent stage by taking the assistance of flying monkeys, or mutual buddies and connections. These connections turn out to be peacemakers. In such circumstances, the mutual connections could:

• Persuade you to forgive the narcissist
• Imagine within the variations of your story {that a} narcissist could have informed them
• Give the narcissist details about you, with out consulting you
• Dismiss your emotions
• Trivialize your feelings
• Gaslight or manipulate you on behalf of the narcissist
• Unfold rumors about the way you aren’t doing sufficient
• Ignore the proof towards the narcissist

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And why do flying monkeys aspect with the narcissist? Properly, they could have their causes:

• They might be benefitting from the narcissist not directly
• They might have unresolved points with you
• They might simply be folks pleasers who don’t want to offend the manipulative narcissist
• They is probably not keen to be within the dangerous books of the narcissist

Ruchi explains, “There may be instantly numerous stress to reconcile. That is difficult for the empath, one thing fairly much like what we see in lots of divorce circumstances, the place the sufferer is made to consider they should reconcile and never go away their companions.”

Discard

The final of the 21 levels of a narcissistic relationship with an empath is the ‘discard’ section. This section is among the most outstanding indicators a narcissist is completed with you and essentially the most painful of all. It’s on this section that the narcissist abruptly ends the connection and discards their companion. So, there isn’t a scope for a gradual breakup in such circumstances. There isn’t a mutual decision or amicable parting both. Let’s have a look at the levels of this section:

19. Sudden chilly disengagement

That is actually a type of silent therapy that the narcissist ends the connection with. That is when the narcissist decides to chop off all types of communication and the empath companion is left with nothing. Ruchi provides, “The empath doesn’t know what the narcissist is as much as or whether or not there’s any way forward for the connection. It looks like a sudden loss of life of the connection and will result in emotional trauma.”

20. Emotional cruelty, with lack of closure

On this stage, the narcissist could:

• Interact in title calling or abuse
• Create a false narrative about their empath companion

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Ruchi provides, “This could make the empath really feel humiliated, exploited, shamed, and insecure, instantly affecting their vanity. Right here, the narcissist is controlling the story. The dearth of closure virtually quantities to cruelty. The narcissist strikes on however leaves the empath pondering they’re flawed and makes them undergo emotional turmoil.”

21. Hoovering II

One would assume the narcissist is finished with the empath as soon as the connection reaches the ultimate stage of ‘discard’. However narcissists surprisingly love disrupting the therapeutic technique of their empath companions. So, even after the relationship is over, the narcissist could come again on occasion, hoovering for years, not permitting their companions to overlook them or transfer on. In such circumstances, the narcissist could:

• Provide short-lived apologies for years, equivalent to “I’m sorry for what I did to you. Can we stay buddies?”
• Ship you shock items
• Bathe compliments and a spotlight on social media
• Want you in your birthday or particular days

Ruchi provides, “That is detrimental for the empath’s emotional well-being, as they could really feel exploited time and again, for years

Narcissistic abuse is a magnetic lure for an empath. As already talked about within the article above, in an empath-and-narcissist marriage, an empath’s hyper-empathetic nature makes them weak to the self-centered narcissist’s abusive habits. The following relationship doesn’t simply make the empath’s life painful but in addition pushes the narcissist to a degree of no return by way of psychological well being points. A narcissist, if led on to such poisonous habits, could by no means get better and will proceed to hurt themselves and different folks in the long term.

Thus, it’s essential for the empath to step again each time they understand they’re being abused by their narcissistic companions or have gotten victims of narcissistic rage. Empath–narcissist {couples} also can go for counseling, as consulting a psychological well being skilled has no options. Most significantly, they need to take the assistance of their buddies, household, and coworkers to see if issues can enhance. In case you’re an empath who has observed indicators a narcissist is finished with you, it is best to understand your worth and work on self-care. Bear in mind, abusive relationships are certain to finish on a bitter notice sometime. So, by no means sacrifice your psychological well-being and self-worth simply to be with somebody. Break away from the narcissist’s management!

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