Whether or not we’re strangers, acquaintances, shut buddies, co-workers, household, or lovers, our notion of the standard of the connection and the way safe we count on us to really feel sooner or later is based on getting alongside. These are the issues we do with a purpose to have harmonious and pleasant relationships with others in order that we will be completely satisfied and get what we would like from life. In different phrases, it’s how we meet our emotional wants.

We get together with individuals with whom share widespread floor. That is the connection we set up with somebody or a gaggle of individuals as a consequence of sharing opinions, pursuits and different seeming similarities. For instance, background, attractiveness, character or life stage, regardless of our different variations. 

Though we’re all distinctive and we every have our personal wants, fears, beliefs, wishes, expectations, emotions, opinions, experiences, motivations, and extra, even with what look like enormous variations, we will discover widespread floor. Now granted, in any given relationship, that floor could also be flimsy, rocky, short-term, skilled, private, stable and/or expansive. Nonetheless, the place we stand with individuals issues. 

The place we stand with individuals issues.

Once we consider, no matter how intimately we all know that particular person (and so they us), that now we have one thing (or quite a lot of issues) in widespread, it’s as a result of we really feel, even when we don’t have proof, that we share pursuits, traits, outlook, intent or somefactor we understand to be of worth. We like them. We really feel that we agree on some (or many) issues within the areas the place we expect it most counts. Or we assume we’ll in future primarily based on how we’ve gotten on thus far or primarily based on what we’ve gleaned or assumed about them.

Over virtually 20 years of exploring courting and relationships, widespread floor is the pothole individuals stumble into time and again. Clearly, we’d like it to create, forge and maintain intimate relationships, however we’re typically too simplistic about it. We prioritise superficial qualities and traits—secondary values—and don’t pay sufficient consideration to and worth core values. In doing so, we miss the wooden for the timber.

How a lot can we actually have in widespread with somebody if the connection is definitely unhealthy or unfulfilling? These are indicators of incompatibility.

In being people, now we have quite a lot of superficial stuff in widespread with extra individuals than we expect.

To create, forge and maintain wholesome, intimate, loving relationships and to be fulfilled people in our personal proper, although, we have to share core values the place it counts. Core values communicate for our character in addition to our priorities and course in life. With out shared core values, we don’t have compatibility and we gained’t meet our emotional wants.

While you share core values with somebody, the connection is harmonious, secure, wholesome and rising. You’ll be able to be extra of who you actually are.

The humorous factor is, whenever you genuinely get on with individuals, you don’t should preserve speaking about “widespread floor”. You simply get on with issues. So, in case you’ve talked lots about widespread floor, it’s a name to go deeper. It’d, actually, be time to contemplate what you don’t have in widespread.

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