Home Relationship How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes — 11 Frequent Issues They Do And How You Can Reply

How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes — 11 Frequent Issues They Do And How You Can Reply

How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes — 11 Frequent Issues They Do And How You Can Reply


Breaking apart with a narcissistic accomplice might be an emotionally taxing expertise, as I found firsthand within the aftermath of ending my relationship with a narcissistic ex-girlfriend. Narcissists are inclined to have a set of darkish character traits that may be each bewildering and hurtful for his or her former companions. So it’s intriguing to delve into the psychology of how narcissists deal with their exes, as these people typically depart a long-lasting influence on those that have dared to sever ties with them.

One placing attribute is the narcissist’s penchant for manipulation and emotional gamesmanship. Within the wake of our breakup, my ex-girlfriend employed a variety of ways aimed toward sustaining management and guaranteeing that the narrative of our relationship suited her agenda. From gaslighting to guilt-tripping, she expertly wielded these instruments to forged doubt on my determination and undermine my sense of self-worth. Understanding these behaviors might be essential for these attempting to half methods with a narcissistic ex-partner.

Do Narcissists Endure After A Breakup?

Within the aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist, their attribute narcissistic traits and coping mechanisms come to the forefront. As somebody who has navigated the stormy seas of parting methods with a narcissistic ex, I can discuss at size about their post-breakup expertise. Whereas it may be tempting to consider that narcissists emerge unscathed from the demise of a relationship, a more in-depth look reveals a distinct narrative. Let’s discover how narcissists undergo after a breakup, inspecting their distinctive model of emotional turmoil.

  • Ego bruised, not heartbroken: For narcissists, the first supply of struggling lies within the dent to their grandiose self-image, somewhat than the severing of a deep emotional connection
  • Management stripped away: The breakup disrupts the narcissist’s sense of management, prompting determined makes an attempt to regain dominance and salvage their inflated and false self-worth
  • Hid ache behind conceitedness: Outwardly, narcissists might venture an air of indifference or conceitedness, however beneath the floor, emotions of rejection and abandonment fester. That is what makes it seem to be narcissists hate their exes
  • Fast rebound relationships: Usually, narcissists search fast rebounds to reaffirm their desirability and canopy up their inside turmoil with exterior validations

Associated Studying: 13 Indicators Of A Weak Narcissist In Relationships And How To Deal With One

Concerning the narcissist’s concealment of ache behind an air of conceitedness, one research discovered that narcissists may even go so far as making an attempt suicide whereas persevering with to adamantly deny their struggling: “Psychiatric inpatient admission of three non-depressed younger males who escaped lethal self-injury supplied a chance to review their character group. Defects in affect-regulatory features and proof of pathological narcissism have been recognized and explored … Every denied intent to kill himself, and none acknowledged expertise of despair or the want to die. Every additionally denied his suicidal habits concerned important dangers, and every discounted the significance of apparent, identifiable stressors as triggers for it.”

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As we delve into the intricacies of narcissistic tendencies and post-breakup struggling, the query naturally arises: Do narcissists miss their exes, or is their emotional panorama devoid of such sentiments? How one can know if a narcissist is completed with you generally is a thriller, so let’s unravel this facet of a narcissist’s habits.

Do Narcissists Miss Their Exes?

Do narcissistic people really expertise the pangs of lacking their former companions? And the way do narcissists really feel once you transfer on? As we increase upon these inquiries, it’s important to unravel the advanced layers of narcissistic psychology to see the way it shapes their post-breakup dynamics reminiscent of dumpers regret. Do narcissists solely join with sure exes? Do narcissists, pushed by a profound want for admiration and management, genuinely miss the particular person they as soon as shared a relationship with?

Listed below are some issues they really lengthy for once they say they miss their ex:

  • Ease of management: Narcissists are inclined to type relationships primarily based on whom they will overpower, which might affect the depth of their emotions post-breakup. So if a narcissist needs to be buddies after breakup, be cautious as a result of it could be a management tactic
  • Ego enhance: What narcissists might miss greater than the particular person is the ego enhance derived from the connection. The absence of fixed admiration can depart them craving for what they as soon as loved. So a narcissist needs you again just for this lacking validation
  • Idealized model of the connection: Idealization vs. actuality are a continuing battle with narcissists as they typically idealize their companions in the course of the relationship, creating a picture that won’t align with actuality. Lacking their ex could also be extra about lacking the idealized model than the precise particular person, significantly in a narcissistic relationship with an empath
  • Revisiting their previous glory: Nostalgia for the occasions when the connection served as a supply of narcissistic provide can result in a distorted sense of lacking their ex-partner. Additionally, denying them their narcissistic provide is what makes them belligerent and why it could seem to be narcissists hate their exes

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On coping with a narcissist obsessed together with his ex, a Reddit consumer makes some observations on males. They clarify that after you permit a narcissist, he’ll present his true colours on this trend: “He doesn’t miss ‘you.’ He misses what ‘you’ supplied. Substitute ‘you’ along with her/him and that’s how the narcissist sees it. A way to an finish. Folks earlier than you, folks after you. It doesn’t matter since they’re egocentric and simply take and take till you’re depleted.”

Let’s now discover whether or not narcissists expertise a real feeling of lacking their exes. Within the following part, we’ll scrutinize whether or not narcissists really need to return to their former companions or if their motivations lie elsewhere.

Do Narcissists Need To Go Again To Their Ex?

Getting into the realm of what a narcissist does on the finish of a relationship brings us to the intriguing query: Do narcissists harbor a real need to rekindle a relationship with their ex-partners? Do narcissists solely join with sure exes — those they know they will management? Understanding the motivations behind a narcissist’s actions is vital to navigating their post-breakup interactions.

As we discover whether or not narcissists need to return to their exes, it turns into obvious that their motivations are sometimes intricately tied to their want for management, validation, and the preservation of their grandiose, albeit false self-image. Listed below are some causes for getting again with their former companions:

  • Ego restoration: Narcissists might entertain the thought of reconciliation as a method to revive their wounded ego and regain a way of management over the narrative of the connection
  • Looking for narcissistic provide: The will to reconnect typically stems from a necessity for a contemporary provide of admiration and validation, which the ex-partner beforehand supplied. If a narcissist needs to be buddies after breakup, it normally means they’re after this provide
  • Manipulative intentions: Narcissists might specific a need to reunite, not out of real love, however as a strategic transfer of romantic manipulation over their ex-partner
  • Cycle of idealization and devaluation: The cyclical nature of narcissistic relationships might result in a need to return, pushed by the idealization part. This part is adopted by devaluation. All of this creates a brief phantasm of enchancment

One Reddit consumer talks of his narcissistic ex-girlfriend searching for this narcissistic provide from him: “Mine instructed me she misses the ‘previous Tim.’ I responded the ‘previous Tim’ that you simply kicked out and deserted all these occasions? The ‘previous Tim’ that you simply’d go weeks and months ignoring not caring if he was lifeless or alive? They don’t maintain something sacred, not to mention one other particular person, past themselves.”

narcissist obsessed with his ex
A narcissist obsessed together with his ex will proceed to topic her to his manipulative ways

When narcissists revisit previous relationships, it’s very important to know how they deal with their exes in these eventualities and, extra importantly, how one can navigate such interactions. Within the subsequent part, we’ll discover how narcissists deal with their exes and provide insights on the best way to successfully reply to those difficult conditions.

How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes And How To Reply

Even when the connection ends, the narcissistic abuse will doubtless proceed. The aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist typically unveils a fancy dance of manipulative behaviors and emotional turbulence. “How do narcissists really feel once you transfer on?” I requested a buddy, who has been on the receiving finish of the hurt brought on by his self-consumed ex-partner.

He shared, “From my expertise, as soon as you permit a narcissist, he’ll go to nice lengths to guard or feed his ego. A narcissist obsessed together with his ex is a typical sight for some. However to face it personally was extraordinarily disturbing. I couldn’t have stored sane with out the help of those that believed my aspect of the story.”

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Understanding how narcissists deal with their exes is pivotal for these navigating the difficult terrain of post-relationship interactions. So let’s discuss in regards to the frequent patterns of narcissistic abuse exhibited by them when you break up. We additionally provide efficient methods for responding to those typically tumultuous encounters.

1. They’ll gaslight you

Folks with Narcissistic Character Dysfunction lack empathy, which allows them to make use of narcissistic gaslighting ways to erode your confidence and sense of actuality. They sow seeds of doubt by way of:

  • Persistent denial
  • Trivializing your experiences
  • Even rewriting of occasions

This emotional manipulation leaves the ex-partner questioning their very own sanity and reminiscences. It creates a poisonous setting the place the narcissist’s model of occasions takes priority, infecting your thoughts with confusion and self-doubt.

How one can reply: Documenting interactions will help. Maintain information of conversations and incidents to guard your self from gaslighting and false accusations. Doing this can most likely not get a narcissist to confess to their wrongdoing however it would shield you from feeling such as you’re imagining issues.

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2. They’ll try triangulation

Triangulation is a calculated narcissistic technique aimed toward sustaining emotional management. By introducing a 3rd get together — whether or not actual or perceived — into the narrative, the narcissist triggers emotions of jealousy, competitors, and insecurity of their ex-partner. Plus, if he or she cheated now and needs to be buddies, there’s a very good likelihood they’re making an attempt to make use of this tactic on you. Whether or not flaunting a brand new relationship or strategically orchestrating interactions, this management tactic serves to govern feelings, exert affect, and hold the ex-partner entangled within the net of the narcissist’s machinations.

How one can reply: Pay attention to the narcissist’s intent in attempting to make you jealous. Recognizing triangulation is step one in mitigating its influence. Chorus from partaking in confrontations with the third get together or expressing overt jealousy, as this fuels the narcissist’s manipulation.

3. They gives you the silent therapy

Narcissists deal with their exes with the silent therapy as a strong type of emotional abuse. Why do they do that? Let’s see:

  • It’s carried out to claim dominance and instigate anxiousness of their ex-partners
  • By abruptly withdrawing communication, the narcissist leaves the ex-partner in a state of uncertainty and desperation for decision
  • This calculated tactic is designed to take care of management, because the silent therapy communicates that the narcissist holds the ability to grant or withhold emotional connection. Narcissists love holding energy over an individual, it doesn’t matter what sort of energy it’s

How one can reply: Keep calm and picked up. Don’t permit the narcissist’s habits to set off frustration or desperation, no less than not in entrance of them. Chorus from begging or pleading for consideration. Giving in to emotional pleas will certainly reinforce the narcissist’s perception that silent therapy is an efficient software for manipulation.

4. Your narcissistic ex will resort to hoovering

Submit-breakup, narcissists typically interact in hoovering, a manipulative cycle of the idealization stage adopted by devaluation aimed toward luring their ex-partner again into the connection. It’s a three-stage cycle by way of which the narcissist seeks to re-establish management over their ex-partner’s feelings and undermine their self-confidence, making a cycle that perpetuates emotional turmoil and dependency.

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These are the three phases of their habits:

  • Intermittent shows of affection
  • False guarantees of change
  • And intermittent consideration within the type of extreme reward

How one can reply: Pay attention to covert narcissistic hoovering and acknowledge it as a manipulation technique employed by the narcissist to regain management and a focus. Ask your self: Are the narcissist’s guarantees of change or shows of affection short-term? If sure, they’re supposed to govern feelings.

5. They’ll shift the blame onto you

A cornerstone of narcissistic habits includes deflecting duty for the connection’s demise onto their ex-partner. By casting themselves as innocent victims, narcissists skillfully manipulate the narrative, leaving their ex-partners burdened with unfounded guilt and disgrace. In case you’re confronted with a ‘he or she cheated now needs to be buddies’ state of affairs, they are going to very doubtless try to shift blame on you.

Be cautious. This blame-shifting tactic serves to absolve the narcissist of accountability whereas reinforcing their sense of superiority, and in addition to create a way of self-doubt of their sufferer.

How one can reply: Resist internalizing the false guilt imposed by their blame-shifting. Remind your self of your individual intentions and actions (listing them out if it helps), and don’t let the narcissist’s makes an attempt to shift blame have an effect on your self-worth. Resist the urge to turn into overly defensive or to react emotionally in entrance of your ex. As a substitute, calmly handle inaccuracies after which redirect the dialog towards discovering options or resolutions.

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6. They’ll try to smear your repute

To safeguard their very own picture, narcissists might provoke smear campaigns towards their ex-partners. By means of a calculated dissemination of false data, distortions, and character assassinations, they try to tarnish your repute. Narcissists deal with their exes this manner not solely to isolate them socially but in addition to bolster their management over the narrative surrounding the breakup. This will trigger extreme belief points and low shallowness within the sufferer, doubtlessly damaging future relationships.

How one can reply: In case your ex is doing this to you, search help. Attain out to buddies, members of the family, or a therapist for a supportive community throughout this difficult time. Get a restraining order for those who concern to your security. And all the time keep in mind to prioritize self-care in the midst of all this.

7. A narcissist needs you again in the event that they resort to like bombing

Love bombing is a misleading method whereby the narcissist inundates their ex-partner with overwhelming shows of affection and a focus. This reinforcement of affection and admiration creates a way of dependency and pleasure, successfully luring the ex-partner again into the narcissist’s orbit. This technique of narcissistic behaviors is characterised by an exaggerated depth of feelings and grandiose shows of affection and sexual advances, solely to be adopted by subsequent manipulation and emotional withdrawal. The bitter fact is that narcissists care solely about themselves.

Additionally, be aware of future faking. A Reddit consumer recounts her expertise of coping with a narcissistic ex: “It was positively future faking. The narc will discover another person inside every week and begin telling her that she is the long run spouse and past excellent. That promise means nothing to them as a result of they are going to drag it and drop it onto the following particular person in line.” If that is relatable, then somewhat than genuinely lacking you, please know that your ex is making an attempt to govern you.

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How one can reply: Clearly outline and implement wholesome boundaries to guard your emotional well-being. Agency boundaries will come about because of self-awareness, and can cease you from getting carried away. Gauge their response to your assertion of those boundaries.

8. They might try to manage or manipulate your funds

Narcissists like to overpower their companions fully. Folks with Narcissistic Character Dysfunction might exert monetary management throughout and after the connection, leveraging cash as a software for manipulation and affect. They do that by:

  • Controlling entry to sources
  • Creating monetary dependency
  • Utilizing monetary threats

The narcissist ensures that their ex-partner stays entangled in an internet of dependence, additional complicating the method of disentangling from the poisonous relationship. For instance, a typical method of controlling funds post-breakup is by refusing to pay little one help.

How one can reply: Seek the advice of family members or a monetary advisor for tactics you may turn into financially impartial. If wanted, seek the advice of a lawyer to see if there’s any authorized recourse.

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9. Your ex will exploit your emotional vulnerabilities in yet one more show of narcissism

Narcissists preserve dominance by recognizing and exploiting their ex-partner’s emotional vulnerabilities. It’s a key tactic employed by them to maintain you trapped. By leveraging your most deep-seated insecurities, fears, or previous traumas, narcissists acquire a strategic benefit and be sure that you stay emotionally entangled and dependent by way of trauma bonding. That is most likely one of the crucial damaging narcissist strikes and makes it tougher for the sufferer to belief a brand new accomplice.

How one can reply: On this state of affairs, sever contact together with your ex-partner instantly. If that’s not doable, no less than reduce contact as a lot as doable to interrupt free from the cycle of manipulation and regain emotional readability. It’s not a good suggestion to even stay buddies with a narcissist.

10. Narcissists will try to govern the narrative

Narcissists habitually interact in pathological mendacity by way of fabrication of elaborate tales, exaggerations, or omissions. They do that to attain the next:

  • It’s a technique of controlling perceptions, making an attempt to make it seem to be their dangerous habits shouldn’t be such a critical offense
  • The compulsive liar manipulates the narrative to take care of a facade of superiority and regain management of the state of affairs
  • Narcissists behave this manner as a result of pathological mendacity serves to bolster the narcissist’s inflated false self-image whereas undermining the ex-partner’s means to discern fact from fiction, perpetuating a cycle of confusion and dependency
narcissist wants you back
A narcissist will try to play the sufferer within the breakup

How one can reply: It will assist to domesticate emotional independence in an effort to scale back dependency on exterior validation. Your core family and friends will help you thru this. Make a listing of info, and browse it everytime you doubt your self. Share it together with your family members.

11. They’ll play the sufferer card

Narcissists deal with their exes like abusers to achieve the higher hand. Regardless of being the orchestrators of emotional manipulation, narcissists skillfully play the sufferer to elicit sympathy and deflect blame onto their ex-partners. This manipulative tactic, often known as DARVO (deny, assault, and reverse sufferer and offender), includes presenting themselves as unjustly persecuted, fostering a story the place their ex-partner turns into the alleged aggressor.

It shifts the perceived energy dynamic of their favor. By portraying themselves as harmless victims, narcissists additional manipulate perceptions, making it difficult for his or her former companions to claim their very own truths and experiences.

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How one can reply: Since there’s nothing you are able to do to vary one other particular person’s perspective, the most effective factor could be to disregard their actions and focus in your therapeutic. Block them from in all places. Prioritize self-care actions to nurture your psychological and emotional well being when coping with a narcissistic harm of this type.

Key Pointers

  • Breaking apart with a narcissistic accomplice is usually not the tip of the story. They’ll proceed to have an effect on your private life and different relationships within the aftermath
  • Narcissists do undergo post-breakup however not in the best way the remainder of us do — They undergo from a scarcity of ego validation and miss the management that they had on you
  • They’ve a variety of ways that they might make use of to lure you again into their management reminiscent of hoovering, blame-shifting, love bombing, and DARVO
  • Understanding narcissism is step one you may take. It’ll enable you reply to their makes an attempt at drawing you again into their abusive video games

We’ve delved into the intricate psychology of how narcissists deal with their exes and explored the nuances of the struggling they undergo, and the one they inflict upon others. From gaslighting to like bombing, the manipulative ways employed by narcissists have been laid naked. In case you’re going by way of this damage, we hope you’re taking steps towards breaking freed from their management.

By documenting interactions, educating ourselves, and specializing in therapeutic and self-care, you cannot solely navigate the advanced net woven by narcissists but in addition reclaim management, fostering a journey of self-discovery and empowerment past the shadows of manipulation.

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